Saturday, August 3, 2013

Post Competition Reflections

Well it's been 2 full weeks since I walked the stage at Master's Nationals in Pittsburgh.  I think enough time has passed for me to reflect on what has proven to be another incredible experience in  my life: meeting wonderful people, learning about myself, experiencing overwhelming gratitude & joy in the midst of disappointment.

Wonderful people: Sometimes I look back over my life and wonder if I was living under a rock.  So much isolation fueled by irrational fears.  I had to face those fears and get involved in life.  I'd like to first thank God and technology (tongue in cheek...)  If it weren't for Google and my obsessive brain I would not have known that it was possible to reach a crazy new way of living... giving myself permission to take care of myself and learning to enjoy it.  I met Jason Lannigan (I learned later he is a Minnesota boy!) through FaceBook & his website Siouxcountry.com Click Here which provides balanced & informative advice for women in the world of figure competition.  Through his site I met Jill Crean from New York -cancer survivor (read her story here) & May Strickland from San Diego.  I also met Tammy White who's blog - Lifting My Spirits - Click Here  and FB posts inspire me every day.  I learned that Tammy grew up 100 miles from me and attended college in the same town AND the same time as me. Who knew?

It was so fun communing with other women my age and even older that love and live my lifestyle.  A powerful connection was made for me... being around like-minded people is empowering and I feel strengthened to continue the journey of living a healthy lifestyle in the middle of a world of abundance of temptation to backslide.

Conflicting emotions: Gratitude & Disappointment  I have had to be honest with myself.  I am a competitive person so yes, I was disappointed in 11th place.  My trainer said it was clear that I should have placed higher.  Then I hear the grumblings and scuttle about the "industry" ... "The judges have their favorites..." "You are new at the Master's level the judges don't know you"... "It's a very subjective sport."  "You don't have a narrow waist" It is so easy for me to get caught up and swept away in all of this. I was in "second call outs" so I knew at that time that I wasn't going to place.  After the fact, I saw that second call outs at this level is actually pretty good.  Especially since I am so new and only my second show.

I was frustrated with how fast the posing went.  The show was so large - 800 competitors (split between 2 days) so they pushed us through like cattle.  They first brought us out in groups of I think 8 or so... we only had what felt like a nano-second to pose.  The judges had us quickly do a front and back pose.  The stage was so crowded I was touching the shoulders of the other women so I was flustered and forgot to flare my lats.  The stage was very small and uneven.  I couldn't find my balance at all.  We were quickly shuffled off to the side and then we were tapped on the shoulder when it was time to do our individual posing.

Now I could let all of this go to my head but the tremendous feeling of gratitude took the driver's seat is what is important. With my 11th place, it's what you don't see in the pics below that really matters.  The fact that exercise and eating healthy keeps my depression & anxiety and crazy freaky obsessive thoughts at bay, the new found identity and confidence I have gained.  It doesn't show how my testimony of healing has inspired and encouraged many women.

When the pictures from the show were posted I was able to see the progress I made in 4 short months of training hard.  Below shows the progress in my glutes.  The progress blew me away.  What was the secret?  I'll tell you... it's no secret.  I started squatting very heavy (with a real good spot). I went deep and drove the weight through my heels activating the hamstring and glute.  I went heavy to the point of failure... where I almost dropped the bar off my shoulders. A good spot means someone stands behind you all the way to the floor and up.  I think my max was 180 lbs for 6 reps.  




I also incorporated one leg'd TRX lunges with a dumbell in one hand and one leg extended backwards with foot in the TRX strap.  Starting with a good warm up of two sets of 25 reps then increasing weight up to 80lbs. Probably a total of 8 - 9 sets.  I went deep and heavy using my straps to hold the dumbbell.  I will try get a video of this so you can see the movement more clearly.  I did these new movements only for about 4 weeks while on high carbs (optimum muscle building opportunity!).  I continued this routine while decreasing carbs and into show prep. 

Why do I compete? I have learned that in order for me to stay on track with my food and healthy life style I need a solid goal.  Before figure competing I started with triathlon, then half-marathons then figure competing.  All of these endeavors were once quarantined in my brain to the younger folk.  I had a strict rule in my head that as you age, become a grandmother and are over 45 you need to find a blanket and sit on the couch watching wheel of fortune.  When I stumbled across other women who had much larger obstacles in their lives compete in their first triathlon and half-marathon I realized that I shouldn't use age & fear of failure as an excuse to stay stuck a victim.  I decided to make it about being in the moment and having fun.

The Future: Right now I am back to my primary focus-being a therapist & pastor:  Helping people heal emotionally, physically and spiritually.  We are revamping our Health & Wellness program for 2014, rolling out a new "food issues" group that I will be facilitating.  I will be addressing the underlying issues of obesity and poor eating. I'm excited about the potential this group will have alongside of our existing nutrition & fitness classes!

Health & Fitness Goals:  After two weeks of much needed rest I hit the gym next week.  I will be working on increasing muscle and playing with carbs trying to stay within 10lbs of competition weight.  I'm thinking about going back to Pittsburg next year but it's just too early to make that decision.  I need to focus on the here & now.

Random Progress & Competition Pics:  I thought some of you might be interested in the process of dropping water (slowly tapering water consumption) before a show.  The pic below is 4 separate days prior to going on stage.  I took a picture every morning first thing, the last pic with blue tank is the morning of the day before the show.

The next pic is of my abs - I was laying on the floor doing some light crunches the day before the show - a rare and short-lived moment!!



Comparison pics in "2nd call outs" Age group 45-55 "C" height class (I am 5'3 3/4") - In layman's terms... I'm just shy of 5'4" - LOL!!!  I didn't have a scale but I figure after water drop I came in around 108lbs.  Oh and by the way... after adding water back in, the scale went right back up to 114 and now I stepped on the scale and I'm 120lbs which is a good maintenance weight for me.  The abs are soft and gone. But that's okay.










Well that brings another chapter of adventure to a close.  I hope to post again soon with updates on new growth in my life - as I face my own obstacles, mental games and fears... moving forward to encourage & inspire those that need it!

Remember to live "outside of yourself" and look for someone that needs encouragement.  Keep your eyes open to those around you, ask God to bring someone along your path.  Ask God to use you, He will.  You have a story and that story can lift another up to higher ground.





Sunday, July 7, 2013

2 weeks out- unexpected stress & refeeding

So today is my 51st birthday and yesterday marked 2 weeks out to my second figure competition. It's still really hard to fathom what I am doing. In my 20's this was only something I dreamed of doing.  I had two small children, was a stay-at-home mom and lacked the nutritional knowledge.  It wouldn't have happened- I am so impressed with some of these young competitors that have a full life with children and family and are able to compete- gotta give them props!.  

At 51 I continue to feel humbled and overwhelmed with thankfulness that the God I worship and serve healed a broken & traumatized vessel full of shame and self-hatred.  I am thankful that my past does not predict my future and that I no longer have to be a slave to my past and a prisoner of my faulty beliefs and lies that tried to pull me into darkness. I am humbled and honored to work in a profession where I can speak hope and truth into lives of those that are similar to mine- to have the faith in someone when they aren't able to... And walk beside them as they heal.

Three Unexpected Stressors:
1. I had to start the grieving process of saying goodbye to my favorite car that I've had for 13 years.  My transmission just can't be fixed and my mechanic said its time. Now is not the time to have to think about buying another car.  I had a rental for a week and now I need to figure out a way to make my life work with a car that doesn't shift. My mechanic said it's "drivable" but when the average temps are 110 it's just not something I need on my plate right now!

2. We just returned from a wonderful trip to Minnesota for our nephew's wedding. The weather was spectacular and I had forgotten how nice and friendly everyone is back there.  It was refreshing and relaxing.  But prior to arrival I had a big low-carb brain malfunction. I overpacked my suitcase so at early check-in I was rummaging through my suitcase trying to figure out what 5lbs needed to go.  I had to opt for the blow dryer, curling iron and ..... My 16 oz of cooked chicken that was to last me through Saturday. UGH!!! If my brain was functioning I would have realized I could go thru security with the chicken and at least give it a try.  I had 4oz of Chicken that made it thru just fine...argh.  So I had to improvise.  I found every hard boiled egg I could find, used my protein powder and found restaurants that would broil chicken for me.  Of course it wasn't hard to find a carb ANYWHERE!!

We landed and headed straight to the grooms dinner where thankfully they had a bunch of chicken so I ate a ton of that along with plain salad. It worked. And I said no to this:


It had chocolate, caramel and ooey gooey all over it!!

Then I received a surprising text from my trainer informing me of changes in my food and training.  He wanted me to have a "re-feed" on Friday and stop all cardio from here on out to the show. He also wants me to stop carb cycling. I am probably now at 9% body fat so no need to focus on getting the fat off since most of it is off. Now we prepare for the final phase of show-prep. Here is the meal I had on Friday evening (2 weeks out)! 

What you see is 1 cup mashed potatoes, plain salad, about 2 oz tenderloin and 2oz chicken. What you DON'T see is the one lemon custard filled cupcake I ate for dessert! A refeed was very important because my body had adapted to the carb-cycling and we needed to fire it up and cause confusion.  Which it did! I ranked up my metabolism and it was on fire- I was very very hungry which is a good sign.

Now I am eating carbs every day and enjoying every single gram!!  I have changed my protein to mostly white fish, egg whites and some chicken. Carbs are still yam, rice and even rice cakes right after I train (for a fast sugar to stabilize insulin quickly).

3. So here is a picture of my suit 


I have already had some stressful issues with it.... The back of the suit does not fit me properly. I had it "fixed" but today while practicing posing it still had problems. I am hoping when I drop water next week it will solve the "problem." If not, at the last minute I may throw my old suit on... As much as I don't want to do that!!

So that's it... Not sure if I'll blog before the show but if you "like" my FaceBook page Pure Heart Renwed Soul Strong Body I'll have updates there!

Until then be blessed and encourage someone this week! 


Sunday, June 30, 2013

3 Weeks Out - Progress & The Cardinal Sin


Yesterday marked 3 weeks out.  I continue to be pleased with how my body is responding.  I am maintaining my carb cycling (2 days carbs 1 day zero carbs) and my body continues to slowly lean out almost ahead of the game.  My trainer is very happy and doesn't want to change anything.

I cannot lie... Yesterday was tough.  My brain was not working and my body was exhausted AND it was leg day.  Even after 10 hours of sleep I woke up feeling drained, struggling with thoughts of fear and worry about getting injured.  I was fighting back obsessive thoughts of hurting my back while squatting.  I love leg day and I love squatting... Ass to the Grass as we say in the gym.  I love going deep and driving heavy weight.  Not yesterday. Of course I texted my trainer warning him that I wasn't doing well.  Don't ever do that.  No excuses, training is tough and this workout is key.  After all of that fuss and misery, I was able to get in the "set that I walked in the door for" = 1 set of 6 reps at 185lbs.  My trainer always says, "This is the set that we came here for today." It was tough, I felt weak - struggled pushing every rep and ended the workout feeling low and discouraged. I "should have" been thankful that at my age I'm as strong as I am and can still squat deep without any knee issues.  But we ALL have days that just SUCK and yesterday was one of them. Just move on, that's what I say... tomorrow is another day.

Today I did a light shoulder workout, 45 minutes of lunges on treadmill and 90 minutes hot yoga (today's high in Phoenix is 115).  Yeah I'm cray...  Now I rest on the couch and this is my sweet set up  (pic below): Today is a zero carb day so you will see my survival kit- diet Pepsi (I normally don't drink this but.... ), pickles, cauliflower and home-made sugar-free honey mustard.  Later I will eat asparagus and tilapia and finish my day with a grand total of 200gm protein.



Cardinal Sin: 
I alluded to it in my last blog.  I did it.  I bought a suit in a color that everyone in the industry warns against: WHITE.  I saw it hanging there and my eye immediately caught the beautiful bead work and the color.  I have always loved the color white.  I thought, "What the heck - nothing to lose by just trying it on, and besides it's used! (cheaper)."  I knew that Norma, who owns the shop, is very  knowledgeable and would not steer me in a direction that wouldn't flatter my skin tone.  I put it on and immediately fell in love with it.  I walked out and Norma said, "Dang, girl you look good in white, not very common."  The beading is stunning and the suit has more of an elegant look as opposed to flashy or WOW.  I tried on a few other suits with bold color but they just didn't FEEL right.  I feel confident in this suit and that's what I need.  So I will take a chance and walk out on stage wearing the color we must not speak of.

Progress Pic from today after my shoulder routine.  Today I basically just filled them with blood 4 sets hitting all three heads. Pretty light and easy.

 
This week I'll be heading to Minnesota for a wedding - will be looking for a gym to get a few quick workouts in to keep my momentum going.!  Until next time...
 
Blessings!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

The Pendulum Swings

Today I am 4 weeks out from Master's Nationals.  I am really glad I kept close track of what I did last year.  I can see that each year of my life brings new challenges.  Last year I had a good balance between my work and personal life.  I felt blessed that I could easily find the time to train, and shop for food. This time around, it's a wee bit different.  My workload has significantly increased with long hours and changes in my responsibilities.  I don't have a lot of time to breath.  I get my workouts in when I can.  Last year I was meticulous with food prep, measuring, weighing food and tracking everything that went in my mouth. 

I am leaning out nicely but have had absolutely lousy food prep & planning.  I eye-ball everything now.  Do mental math in my head and just eat when I'm hungry (every 2 hours).  I try not to obsess and worry.  Live in the moment, that's my motto right now.  I have been surviving on protein powder, CytoCarb2, Island Teriyaki (a restaurant that I go to daily) chicken and steamed broccoli.  When I get home I throw a few chicken tenderloins on the George Forman grill and steam whatever veggies are available and BAM!  Carbs are simple and clean: rice, yams and oatmeal.

Interestingly enough, I have not had a lot of issues with the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants 'show prep' methodology.  My body responded the same way it did last year.  Held steady for 2 - 3 weeks then boom, I drop 2 - 3 lbs. Carbs & protein remain a lot higher than last time.  Energy levels are good with the exception of my low carb days.  My body uses every ounce of carb and it tells me when I'm out.  I think I've learned what 30gms protein looks like with my eyes closed!

One thing I did learn about myself from last year.... I was way over the top too disciplined.  Can that be?  Yes, I was motivated a lot by fear, fear of getting on stage with my ass hanging to the floor, not believing anything my trainer told me.  I followed every instruction to a "T" - every minute of cardio, every workout, every ounce and gram of carb/fat/protein.

This year I am enjoying the process, relaxing and just going with the flow.  I try get my protein in but some days it's bedtime and I have to slam a shake and am still under.  I have enjoyed the solitary training and just watching my body change, visually.  My trainer says that I have more quality muscle - I don't really see it but he does.

I know that my competition will be very stiff, competing against women that are seasoned and have much more muscle.  I have to try not let this get into my head too far.  I am competitive but realistic about this level of competing.  I am focusing on doing my best, having fun and staying in a place of being thankful that I made it this far.

Yesterday was a no-carb day rest day.  Here is what that means in my world:

6AM: 1 hour hot yoga
8AM - 4PM: 1 really long seminar learning how to supervise counselors that want to become licensed
5PM: 45 minutes interval cardio.
7PM - on the couch
10PM - in the bed

Progress Pic - 5AM this morning!


Next week - pick up suit... I will give you a teaser... I committed the cardinal sin for color selection!!

Be Blessed and don't forget to encourage someone today.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

9 Weeks Out-Strange Progress!

Sitting here on my back patio enjoying the last few days of beautiful weather before Arizonan's move into what we call "Satan's Basement."

Progress update WOD is Strange.  Today I am 9 weeks out and the scale continues to hover around 119-122.  It seems I am always learning about food and how my body reacts to it.  I thought for sure the scale would be down this morning as I take my usual weekly measurements. Nope: scale went up to 122 (2lb increase from last week) but my waist stayed the same 27".  Most importantly I am getting leaner... that's the strange part!!  Scale goes up, mirror shows the opposite!  My trainer couldn't be more happy.  This most likely means I'm keeping my muscle - which is exactly what we are trying to do.

I am currently carb cycling which means different days I consume different amounts of carbs. I have also been timing them strictly around my workouts.

Two weeks ago I started 2-A-Days.  Well isn't that just special...  I asked my trainer - "Wha the...? Huh? I never did that last year (silent profanity inserted here)."  Step out of the box, Brenda... Step out of the box...

So here it is: Tuesday and Thursday I do 2 workouts (one in the morning and one after work) AND I've added about 20 mins of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) cardio at the end of my second workout. Sunday, Wednesday and Saturday I still hit shoulders, glutes & heavy legs.

I cycle my CARBS around each workout like this:

1-A-Day workout: 50gms 1st thing in the morning.  30gms pre-workout/20gms "intra" (during workout with BCAA'S)/50gms post workout- immediately after (IMMEDIATELY!!!!). The remainder of the day is protein and veggies totaling my protein at 200gms

2-A-Day Workout: AM Workout: 30gms pre-workout/30 post-workout PM workout: 30gms pre-Workout/20gms intra/30gms post-workout.  The remainder of the day is protein and veggies equaling 200gms.

Rest days: 200 grams protein and veggies with every meal. I hardly call these rest days because I put a lot of energy into disciplining myself to stay away from carbs and the kitchen!

What's exciting to me is these little guys popped in this morning to say hi!



I think it's important to stop here and take a moment of silent reflection to acknowledge the menopause fairy.  I never know when she will show up or what she will do.  Her fairy dust was showing up quite consistently up until a few months ago when it was almost like she just dumped me for another victim.  I felt great!  But alas, the past week or so she has made another appearance! I never thought my body would be capable of maintaining any strength or endurance when my hormonal jewels were being tossed around like a rag doll on a roller coaster. Who knew?

Until next time....

BE BLESSED and look for someone to encourage today!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Psunday Psychology

As a therapist I listen, guide and provide a lot of advice, suggestions and encouragement with the goal of creating lasting transformation.  Over the years I have learned that there are a few small and simple concepts that create significant relief.  The one that stands out for me today is, "What you are experiencing is NORMAL."

The Past
As I went through my own healing from depression, anxiety, dissociation and traumatic childhood I carried a heavy weight on my shoulders.  The weight was a secret.  I always FELT very different from everyone, plagued with shame and self hatred - less than everyone else.

Fast forward to today
I have learned that so many women struggle with these same issues.  When I tell them that they are NORMAL, the relief that comes across their face is amazing.  Their countenance changes and they sigh a breath of relief, "Really?" they say.  I respond, "yes, normal."  and they say, "I thought I was the only one."

Healing and personal growth never ends.  As I have moved into this crazy world of competing I have needed more healing & guidance.  My head goes places that it never should.  I thought I should share some of my current struggles as I prep for the stage again.  My hope is that I will encourage those few women that feel "different" or "less than" in life. 

Being vulnerable has never been one of my strengths.  As I blog my second journey to the stage I will do my best to do what I believe God has called me to do, that is... be transparent.

Irrational Thoughts  The idea of competing at nationals at first may have felt grandiose.  Why?  My brain went haywire concocting fear and irrational thinking.  Pulling myself in, regrouping and being willing to be vulnerable with my trainer helped me put my thoughts back together and regain perspective. 

Irrational Thought #1: You don't have enough muscle
Irrational Thought #2: My competitors all "take" things to make them bigger
Irrational Thought #3: You don't belong there (Nationals)
Irrational Thought #4: Who do I think I am, I don't belong there, I'm old and lack experience
Irrational Thought #5: You are right in the middle of 'the change' - your body is too old and needs the hormones

One would think that all of the motivational posters on FB and great opportunities I have to ignore thoughts like this would work.... but alas, humanity takes over and I slip back to an old, familiar place.... TEMPORARILY.

It is NORMAL to slip back into old patterns of behaving & thinking.  We all do it, we are not perfect.  Years ago I didn't have the tools to attack unhealthy thoughts in my brain, now I do.  I know now that having healthy people in your life that "see" you and bring you back is vital to staying emotionally healthy.

My trainer told me three things that forced me to stop in my tracks, regroup and gain a new perspective. 

He used the example of Peter from the Bible, Jesus was walking on the water and asked Peter to step out of the boat.  Peter DID walk on the water but as he took his eyes off of Jesus and became frightened he started sinking (in context 1st box below).


Self-Awareness is the ability to know who you are, how you behave and your impact on others. It is good to have others around that bump you back to balance.  My contest prep will be fun, a learning experience and of course living in the moment.

And Now for Something Completely Different:    PROGRESS
Today I am 11 weeks out.  I thought it might be interesting to compare what 12 weeks out last year/last show to 11 weeks out this year/this show.  Tuquise suit is August 2012. Green suit is April 2013. Same weight exactly: 121 lbs.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Carbs are at 180, protein at 200. FOR NOW. 
 
TRAINING
Monday~Rest
Tuesday~Back
Wednesday~Legs
Thursday~Heavy Shoulders
Friday~Rest
Saturday~Heavy Legs
Sunday~Light Shoulders
 
NO CARDIO-Yet....
 
For those that want to know more about Peter, Jesus and FEAR here is a link to the passage I was referring to  Matthew 14:22-31
 
Until next time...


Sunday, April 7, 2013

Coming back out of the closet

Seems like forever and a day that I walked on stage.  Life comes back at you and then you wake up and say wha? 

After the show in October my husband and I strategically planned a wine country vacation to northern California to celebrate our 30 years together.  For those of you that read my blog as I prepped for the stage you will recall that I had to sacrifice a very special day - my anniversary and my grandson's first birthday.  Deciding to take this trip one week after the show was one of the best decisions I made.   

Three days after the show I scheduled a photo-shoot.  Others strongly encouraged me to capture my hard work.  It was interesting to see how my physique changed as I re-introduced higher amounts of clean carbs back into my body.  I was VERY lean from my last show (9% body fat) so it was interesting to watch my muscles fill up.  Here is a pic 3 days after the show.  To me, it's not a flattering picture (I prefer a bit softer look) but what is important to see is how my muscles filled up and the difference from what I looked like on stage.



 
Here are a few more pics from the photo shoot:
 



 Alright enough of that... I learned that my body REALLY needed rest.  I slept almost 10 hours every night during my vacation.  It was heavenly.  Cool clean northern California air, healthy fresh from the farm "natural" food and of course wine.
 

 
And the food.... oh the food was simply heavenly!  The pic below was taken at one of our favorite restaurants in Monterey, CA - The Chart House down on Cannery Row.  The waiter informed us that if we wanted their signature dessert that we had to order it before our main course.  It takes 30 minutes to prepare. It was fab-tastic!!


 Here is one of many wonderful meals we ate:  Macadamia Crusted fresh Halibut with sweet potatoes and broccoli - with of course a Monterey Sauvignon Blanc.


Below is our anniversary gift we bought from a local Monterey artist.  So beautiful and reminds us of our first year together when we lived in Monterey, CA.

 
 

 
And of course the man I married 30 years ago - he's doing what he loves....
 
So the past 5 months have consisted of living a normal life, enjoying my family and eating healthy food... and some not so healthy. 

TRAINING UPDATE

I resumed healthy eating, but the weighing and measuring of my food took a back seat.  One day Todd (my trainer) asked me how many carbs I was taking in on a daily basis.  He asked because I was telling him how tired I was and just didn't feel like I was snapping back after the show.  I wasn't really paying attention to the amount of carbs, just trying to stay away from grains and being intentional about eating a clean carb with every meal.  I realized I was way under.  So he put me on a regimen of 250gms of carbs per day.  He had been telling me throughout all of my show prep that afterwards is prime time for building muscle and carbs are very important.  I guess life just got in the way and I kept training and  didn't realize that I was that "under."
 
I continue to eat 6 meals a day, each meal consisting of a healthy fat, carb and protein.  I cheat about 2 - 3 times a week.  A cheat for me would be crackers or pita chips with hummus, glass of wine, Sun chips and some Toblerone chocolate.  I usually don't binge - at least try not to! 
 
My training has focused on shoulders and glutes.  I hit those twice a week.  No cardio - just lifting heavy, to failure in the 6 - 12 rep range. 
 
My weight has stayed at 123lbs - give or take a few sodium-filled bloated days where the scale pops up to 126.  I have learned to use the scale as a guide - FINALLY.
 
WHAT'S NEXT?
 
I have a couple of shows that I am considering doing in July... not sure yet.  Since I placed 1st in my class, I qualified for a national show so that might be a really fun experience. 
 
Stay tuned... I will let you inside of my head very soon... there's a lot stirring!