2 Weeks Out - Unexpected Blessings

So when I first thought about blogging my story I must admit I felt embarrassment and shame.  I mentioned it to a few people and they looked at me sideways.  Ugh... that warm feeling that only a shame-based person knows and experiences.  The voices trying to come into my head and tell me "how stupid a blog is" and "that people don't really want to know how crazy you are."  Thankfully I have been healed and know how to face those feelings head on so that they will not get a grip.  What, you ask?  If you are "healed" then why do you still experience shame?  My answer to that is, when a person has had shame ingrained into their DNA as I did, it is a life-long journey of attacking the thought processes that hold us captive.  I am completely free in my body, soul and spirit.  I know that shameful feelings come.  And that shameful feelings go... they pass... they don't last and more importantly they don't define me.

I held tight to that still small voice that said, "Someone will be blessed by your story, it will help them."  I knew in my rational mind that if one person was encouraged then I would be blessed and my mission would be accomplished.  I did not want this journey to be about me it had to be something replicable.  Ha - is that even a word? Wow, the wordsmith has arisen!

Today, for the first time, I sent my link to the blog to someone.  Sometimes God just puts the right person in the right place at the right time.  He did that today.  And I am blessed, humbled and thankful.  Living in the present.

 

So I am 2 weeks out as of this past Saturday (October 13th).  We are down to the wire, finishing touches on training, posing, and nutrition.  Last week's posing session was interesting.  Todd said I was holding water, which was okay.  I was very surprised considering that I stepped on the scale and dropped 4 pounds overnight!  He said I looked "depleted" and that I probably lost water from my muscles.  A lot of this doesn't really make perfect sense in my head but I will just have to trust him when he says my body is doing what it is supposed to be doing at this point. 

Training:  I am continuing to train as usual but this is my last full week!  I am tired, have no energy and each workout is very difficult.  I have lost my drive that I normally have when I am in the gym.  But this is what Todd warned me about from the very beginning.  This part of the process SUCKS.  It's true.  The euphoric feelings I used to get when I worked out, the sense of calm and peacefulness after the workout... Gone.   I get up in the morning after a full night sleep and I'm drained.  I'm hungry immediately after a meal.  I spend countless hours on Pinterest pinning every Thanksgiving pumpkin and sweet potato dessert and recipe known to man.  I have every caramel, nutty, chocolate, sweet, salty crunchy bar and cookie ever invented pinned.  If you don't know Pinterest, you need to come out of your cave, NOW.

Food: Todd is keeping me with the carb-cycling plan.  180gm protein/75gm carb for 2 days, 225gm protein/25gm carb 2 days, 225gm protein one day.  Again, this is very difficult.  Not even a diet coke feels like a treat anymore.  I am completely deprived and am in what feels like a "fasted" state.  My husband has been gently and sweetly saying, "I can't wait until we can have lunch together again." 

Progress Pics 

So, in closing.... where are you at today?  Do you experience shame?  How does it hold you back from being YOU or doing what you love?  Does it hold you back from adventure, from taking a risk?  Are you afraid of what people "might think?" 

Until Next Time - ....