I will say that I have never in my life become so in tune with my body, my physique and nutrition! When a person like me has lived MOST of her life detatched from the 'physical self, it is an eye opener. Sometimes I wonder how many other people just detach themselves unintentionally or intentionally? I love the feeling of reconnection to myself - it's invigorating and makes me feel alive. Being detached and feeling like you are in a dream is a strange concept to most... but I love the temporary feeling of connection.
Food
At 6 weeks out, Todd decided to keep my protein at 180 grams and carbs at 75 grams. He said I was still coming down nicely and didn't want me to get too lean too fast. There is a concept in training for competion called "peaking." - that is the sweet spot where you look your absolute best. Todd said I'm pretty lean right now and doesn't want to run the risk of peaking too soon.
I am no longer on any grains as a source for carbs. I am strictly eating only yams and rice. Yup - just that!! It is amazing how GOOD I feel. I have been tossing around the idea of eating more gluten-free, even though I am able to handle gluten so far.
My breakfast includes 30 gms of eggwhites cooked with sugar-free pancake syrup and and nice side of white rice. Todd wants me to use the white rice as my "fast carb" first thing in the morning to raise my blood sugar. So far it's been working nicely.
I continue to cook my fish and chicken. I buy the Kirkland chicken breasts from Costco. They are the leanest and taste the best! I have tried all kinds of chicken at local groceries sacrificing quality for price. At this stage of the game, I need good chicken and will pay a few extra cents for fresh and tasty chicken.
Training
Todd has asked that I start hitting my high hamstring and glute AND my shoulders 3 times a week. My shoulders are coming in nicely but I still need to hit them to keep the muscle hard. My age is really showing in my glutes! I cant reverse sagging skin but I can certaintly work my "ASS" off trying to tighten things up as much as I can. Todd said the goal is to try bring as much of the muscle to the surface which is what I am trying to do.
Specifice high hamstring low glute workouts usually consist of Smith Machine leg presses (see previous video post), heavy deep lunges with 35 lbs weights, glute flexor holding a 35lb plate, TRX lunges, and stiff legged dead lifts using the olympic bar-close grip legs straight, together and TIGHT... squeezing those glutes and hamstrings!
Progress Pics
So here I am at about 116 lbs. I hope you can see the difference. These pics were very encouraging for me... I have been doing this for a while now and wasn't really seeing my muscle come to the surface so I was pleased.
Here you get a sneak peek of a "model" pose that is required for the San Diego show.
Subjective Thoughts
I have always enjoyed studying human behavior - other people and my own quirky self. So it's probably time to start talking about how different people react to what I'm doing. Sometimes I think I create my own insanity. I automatically assume that people are going to judge me negatively... tell me I'm self-centered, self-obsessed and narcissistic or any other "self" absorbed word you can think of.
As I get leaner (and today at almost 3 weeks out, I am very very lean), I am getting all sorts of comments and stares. When I enter the gym, men are sneeking a peek at me while I train. I don't quite know what to do with all of that. I don't know what they are thinking and probably shouldn't care. I do wonder if they know if I am 50... "dude, I'm 50" It's just an interesting observation.
I can really see how women can fall into the trap of feeling good about themselves by how they look and by how men stare. As a therapist, I know all to well who those women are. The temporary high of feeling attractive and loved by mere appearance alone. Getting trapped in a lost identity that is literally only skin-deep. Then it becomes my job to walk along side of them and clean up the mess and help them restore their identity.
My father sexualized women. He sexualized me. What does all of that mean? I know one thing. He could only view women as sex. This has had a profound impact on me. One of my life-struggles is trying to figure out what it means to be female. My most important role model, my father, contaminated my brain and identity so I have been on a journey of discovery. For years I have had a self-hatred of my body. My dysmorphic thoughts have told me that I have a very boyish shape and lack feminity and beauty. I have hated the way I walk and the way I look and society's standards (and my father's) tell me I don't measure up. So this process I am in has been healing at another deeper level. I detached from my feminine self long ago - and - my journey of healing that began 23 years ago still continues today.
Romans 8:28 says, "We are assured and know that [ God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose"
Yes, even the crappiest of crap... God can use. I want only to be an encouragement and example that self-discipline produces change and that YOU can do it too. You are worth it.
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