Facing fear... The journey that I have been on has not been in vain. Twenty some odd years ago, God began to do a work in my life. Mental illness, childhood trauma and abuse plagued my psyche holding me back in fulfilling my purpose.
When we first moved to Phoenix I sensed God in a new and refreshing way - tangible and relational, close and intimate, as my friend. I reconnected to Him and sensed him telling me that it was my time. That all of the desperate childhood prayers pleading for rescue were now going to be answered... that the process of healing was about to begin... in the desert, in Phoenix, Arizona. I sensed him telling me that my journey to wholeness will focus on fear - facing each fear that immobilized me frozen in time.
Over the years, each fear has been faced, processed and healed: I have been healed from an unsafe childhood. Sexual abuse and exploitation created fear and resulted in a loss of my femininity and sense of self. A violent home created fear of man and life. When we first moved to Phoenix I sensed God in a new and refreshing way - tangible and relational, close and intimate, as my friend. I reconnected to Him and sensed him telling me that it was my time. That all of the desperate childhood prayers pleading for rescue were now going to be answered... that the process of healing was about to begin... in the desert, in Phoenix, Arizona. I sensed him telling me that my journey to wholeness will focus on fear - facing each fear that immobilized me frozen in time.
As I was about to walk on stage last Saturday, I realized that coming out on stage revealing my hard-earned physique was to be a parallel to revealing another side of my hard-earned self. I have known for a while that I was to share my story but resisted and rebelled. It is so much easier NOT sharing than to share. Running the risk of controversy, questioning, and the loss of my precious privacy that allows me to stay and feel in control. Letting go of all of that and being obedient to what I sense God is telling me to do. Going against what feels safe into uncharted territory.
The competition was a highlight of my life. Placing first was unexpected. I was thinking maybe second or third place. I went ALL IN for 17 weeks and it paid off. I trained hard, ate disciplined and practiced posing over and over and over again visualizing myself on stage.
When I made a decision to work on my fears, I went ALL IN. I grabbed every opportunity for healing I could get my hands on. I was passionate to be free. I wanted it more than anything else.
When I made a decision to work on my fears, I went ALL IN. I grabbed every opportunity for healing I could get my hands on. I was passionate to be free. I wanted it more than anything else.
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| First one out in my division - front pose |
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| First one done posing - standing off to the side trying not to wobble and tumble off of those 5" heels! |
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| All of the beautiful ladies standing off to the side waiting for call-outs |
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| Final placement after call-outs |
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Evening Show - awarding the trophies! |
Encouraging others... The PRIMARY reason I decided to start a blog was to encourage others towards healthy change. Whether it relates to facing a fear, changing an unhealthy habit or something completely different - the purpose was to use my story of change to inspire others and I really pray that did happen!
Over the years I have been a work in progress. Letting go of the fear of letting people into my private and controlled world even though I know deep in my gut my story will encourage and bring healing.
Thanking God... Everything I do is because of Him and what He has done for me.
Thanking God... Everything I do is because of Him and what He has done for me.
Do you sense God? Do you hear His voice calling you to do something? Does it relate to your health and how you eat? or does He want to bring healing and wholeness to your life?
What is holding you back? Are you willing to go all in?
Selah
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